Alban...

As I ordered our dinner, just me and my two sons, ages 6 and 9, I was thinking, maybe this is too much food. We normally have a fourth mouth to feed, but my wife is out of town. I figured we could probably eat most of anyway. I soon saw two little guys get full very early into our feast. Great. "I think Daddy ordered too much food", I said, as they picked at their chicken. "I think I ordered too much food".

In the meantime, I noticed a guy eating, wearing a US Navy Seal hat. After I asked for a couple of boxes to hold our leftovers, about 15 boneless wings and almost a complete basket of fries, I walked over to him and introduced myself. Thanking him for his service, I pulled out one of my cards and handed it to him. He asked if I was from the VA. I told him no, I just do what I do because he did what he did. It is my way of trying to give something, however small, back to our vets and at least let them know that there is someone who notices and cares. I left with my boys, feeling good, as I always do after meeting one of our nation's veterans.

After we got outside, I noticed, about the same time as my oldest son did, another veteran. Only this one wasn't sitting in an air-conditioned restaurant enjoying an over-priced meal with his wife. He was sitting on the ground. He had a sign next to him indicating that he was not doing so well and would appreciate any help he could get. I looked at him as we walked to our car with a bunch of food that would most likely end up in the trash. My son asked me something to the effect of "why is he sitting there?" I responded with, "I'm not sure, but I'm going to find out".

As I approached him, his head was kind of down. I noticed about 3 dollars in change at the base of his sign. He had his dog tags hanging around his neck. He didn't look like he was in bad shape, but he definitely looked like he had seen better days.

"Hey buddy, how you doing?"
"I'm doing OK I guess"

I nodded, and asked again, "Are you OK?"
"I'm making it"

I knelt down next to him so I could talk eye to eye. I found out that he and his wife had lost everything they had in a fire. She was close to completing some kind of a course that he hoped would allow them to start to pull themselves up. He told me that he didn't like the "homeless scene", as he called it. He was referring to the mass of people that congregate in tent city. He tries to avoid hanging out there as much as possible, but they are forced to live underneath a bridge at the moment. Alban served in the Army for 4 years, I think from 2004-2008 if I remember correctly.

I talked to him for a few minutes and found him to be very genuine. He said he had lost it all before, and fought his way back and was sure he would be able to do so again. I offered him our leftovers, He said he never turns down food. I didn't order too much food after all. The fourth hungry mouth was just in a place I wasn't expecting it to be. I handed Alban one of my cards also. He, too, immediately asked if I was with the VA. When he learned that I just act on my own, he told me how awesome I was. I told him, no, he was awesome, and because he is awesome, I do what I do.

We often rely on the charity of others and help from family just to make ends meet each month. I hate having to do that, but the fact is, that we don't really have much of a choice as things are currently. I have friends that are in a much better position thatn I am in. I don't begrudge that. We all have challenges, some of us just have bigger challenges, or different challenges. Alban has a different set of circumstances than I could imagine myself having. Alban also has it a lot better than some others who are in a similar situation to him. I don't often find myself in a position to actively help someone like this, but when I do, I help.

Alban told me that he would email me when he has he chance to keep me updated on how he is doing. I told him I meet various people that work with vets and although I can't promise anything, maybe, just maybe, something would come of it. I wish I were in a position to just snap my fingers and make problems like his go away. I have very little doubt that when given the opportunity, Alban will grab it and not let go.

It is an absolute shame that so many of our veterans find themselves in this situation. It is an black on on our nation and one that we should do everything possible to alleviate. I think a lot of people are like me, they would genuinely love to be able to do more to help. Often, when faced with a problem of such enormity, we find ourselves unable to grasp how to solve the entire problem at once. Maybe we should step back and look at this particular problem for what it really is. Yes, it is tens of thousands that need help, but it is also one guy, sitting on the sidewalk holding a sign. I can;t so;ve the problem our nation's veterans face, but I can help one guy, even if just in a small way.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are able to help, in any way, don't let it slide by. First and foremost, our veterans are human beings. They deserve to be able to live with dignity. We owe them so much more than a bag full of chicken wings. But for now, if that is what you can offer, do it.

I sincerely hope Alban can keep his head up and fight his way back.

Phil

I walked up to him and asked how he was doing. He responded the way anyone would, "OK". Then I asked again, with a more serious tone, "are you doing OK?" He answered with a more serious tone this time, "yeah, I'm doing alright".

I met Phil today. It wasn't a chance meeting, it was on purpose. I have seen him before, standing on the corner with a cardboard sign that says "Please help. thanx". He wears a copy of his Honorable Discharge around his neck. He wears glasses that he says the VA got for him a while back. He has no teeth. The VA also pays for his prescription. He didn't offer what the prescription was for and I only asked if he was sick, to which he answered, "yes". Several years ago, he had a stroke and was hospitalized for 27 days. He had to learn to walk and talk again. He was in a hydrotherapy program to literally help him get back on his feet. He said he knew if he couldn't learn to walk again, he would be dead sooner than later.

He was in the Army in '56-'57, stationed at Fort Ord California. He made it up to E-3 or Private First Class. At that time, a lot of his fellow soldiers were being deployed to Germany. He felt he had done well but was being passed over for some reason. When he asked his commander, he was told he had the lowest test scores of anyone he had ever seen. Phil had only made it to 5th grade in school. He was brought up on the streets of Seattle. He joined the Army because he heard they paid pretty good. After he was discharged, he thought about joining the Navy, but his wife became pregnant again and that changed his plans. He did manage to take a college course and get his GED at some point after that.

I asked him if I could buy his lunch. He smiled and kind of thought out loud to himself, "I don't know what I could eat"(no teeth). He had a bag on the ground that someone had brought him with a small amount of groceries in it, bananas, cereal and other things like that. At that point, a lady walked up with another bag of food for him. He identified her as "someone who brings me stuff". I asked him if he does OK for himself, as far as being able to get food on a regular basis. He said that he did most of the time.

I asked how he ended up here. He started to say he moved to San Jose and lived here most of his life. I stopped him and said, "no, how did you end up on the street"? He very candidly answered that he made some really bad choices with alcohol and pushed most of his family away because of it. The family goes away, but the bills don't. He ended up drinking away everything he had and lived in his car for a while. He now lives "in the storage yard" up in Milpitis. "They don't have no "hook-ups" for nothing, but it's usually warm at least." I don't know exactly where he stays there, but it is some form of shelter from the cold.

Phil has two daughters, one of them is on speaking terms with him, but apparently offers no help. I don't know any of the story behind that. The other daughter, "is on her mother's side in all this. She feeds her all kinds of bad stuff". I told Phil that I understood strained family relations and one side pitted against the other. I agreed with him that it is a shame when the family disintegrates like that. I didn't go there to make him feel worse, so I quickly changed the subject.

I offered to buy him a coffee to which he readily accepted. I walked to a nearby coffee shop and asked the guy working if someone like Phil walked in, would they allow him to stay. I have seen places that shun homeless people from even entering the establishment and I wanted to ensure this didn't happen to Phil. He was clean and appeared decently taken care of, but having the sign and probably being known as "that homeless guy", I was just making sure he would be welcome. I purchased a coffee and a gift card. The guy gave me the coffee for free because he thought what I was doing was a good gesture. I appreciated that very much. I picked out some condiments, napkins, etc. and walked back to Phil. He thanked me for the coffee and put the other stuff in his pocket. I held out the gift card and told him where he could use it and how much was on it. He was very thankful to me for that.

Phil is very open and honest. He answered everything I asked him without hesitation. We talked for about 20 minutes. In that 20 minutes, one person, other than the grocery lady, even acknowledged him. That was a young girl who simply said "Hi", as her mom drove out of the parking lot. I know it's easy to overlook people in this situation, I have done it countless times, with intent. I fully realize that time is often our self-perceived, most valuable commodity. I don't think I did anything today that really changed Phil's way of life at all. I didn't offer him a way out of his circumstances. I didn't leave him with a place to sleep or new clothes to wear. I think what I did do, was to let him know that someone saw him and cares about him. Maybe that made his day a little brighter.

At 76 years old, chances are, his circumstances will never change. I hope that I'm wrong about that. He will probably live out his days left on this earth much like he is doing right now. He spoke of not being able to go back and change things, just having to start over. For too many people like Phil, I believe "starting over", especially at 76, involves waking up and heading back out on the street to try and survive one more day.

I told Phil if I saw him again and was at all able to, I would sit down with him and have a cup of coffee and talk some more. He let me know that he looked forward to that very much. There are a lot of Phils out there who would love to be able to sit down and talk over a cup of coffee, if only for a few minutes. If you ever get the chance, and want to make someone's day brighter, take the time.

Thank you Phil. Thank you for your service. Thank you for allowing me into your life for a moment.

You're a Civilian?

I met a veteran who I'll call Mal. Mal served in the Army SPEC OPS with a PSY OPS unit during the Gulf War. I didn't learn this right away, it was only after talking to him for about a half an hour. It took me a while to ask him what unit he served with because I sensed our conversation needed to move to a point where he trusted me more. It was the second conversation I had with him that say.

During the first brief conversation, I told him about Honor the Veteran and gave him a business card. I told him if he was interested, I would love to feature him in a short piece. He was very adamant that he didn't want to bring attention to himself. Not because of where he served or what he did, just because he didn't see himself as being especially noteworthy or special in some way as to garner recognition. He was very humble. I left him my card anyway.

Later, when we met again, he asked if I had served. When I said no, he seemed somewhat taken aback. He said something to the effect of he didn't understand how a civilian would do something like this. I told him of those in my family that have served, friends, and just a general respect I have for those who have served. He asked what led me to create Honor the Veteran. I explained to him what I've already written about in previous posts here.

We spoke about how veterans are treated by some(which I think is changing for the better), and how the VA is doing a better(yet woefully inadequate in many cases) job at taking care of our returning vets who desperately need help. We spoke about the percentage of Americans who have actually served. We spoke about what he did during his service and some of the realities of war.

A few things he said stuck with me. One of them being that he felt veterans don't really desire sympathy or empathy from civilians, they have more of a desire for us to understand what they go through while they serve and after they serve. This is the hard part. We both agreed that if you haven't been there, you really have no way of understanding what they've gone through. I personally have told veterans, "I know how you feel" and in the same sentence said, "yet I really have no idea how you feel".

I got the feeling that Mal has come into contact with some less than thankful civilians regarding his service. He didn't seem bitter about it, he was just being honest in his assessment of his experiences. He was a very pleasant man to talk to but really opened my eyes up to something very sad. There are, in these current times of society being more appreciative, still a lot of veterans who feel ignored, not appreciated, or even treated poorly by society in general.

You've seen the phrase, "All gave some, some gave all", referring to the sacrifices that our military patriots have made in service to our country. We need to keep this in mind. You don't serve without "giving some". Some part of you is sacrificed. You may come back worse for wear or you may come back a better person, but you won;t come back the same. Some won't come back at all.

I've also recently seen a phrase that I'm at odds with. It says, "Thank you is no longer enough". While I agree that we should be more giving, more helpful and try to be as supportive as possible in any way we can to our veterans, I also believe that "thank you" is sometimes all we have at our disposal. It may not be enough, but it is at least a start. We need to be mindful of the first phrase more often when we meet a veteran so that we can "at least start" to thank them for what they have given, for what they have gone through, and for what they left on the battlefields and in the barracks all over the world.

"You're a civilian?" Yes Mal, I'm a civilian. A civilian who is trying to understand and who is extremely thankful for you and what you've done.

We should strive, through our actions and interactions, to come to a place where veterans will not be surprised by our thankfulness.